She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
