Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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