I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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