I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
