Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't turn off my feet"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
