I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
sex in a hospital.. check
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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