john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
