And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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