Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
