And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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