ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i barfeds in our rink
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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