you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
