youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
