Screwed.edu
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
