I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
