He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
