woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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