she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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