I think scott just propositioned me for sex
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
