I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
