We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
