your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
