If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
