so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
