sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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