wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
