zippers are such a cool invention
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
