Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
