Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize