The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
