I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
