Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
