well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
