I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
