4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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