My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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