i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
