Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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