Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Will you blow on my dice?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
