What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
