escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
