oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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