Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also, beer. Big fan.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize