After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize