Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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