A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
