i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
