Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
