Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
