There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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