youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
