Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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