I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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