Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
