Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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