it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
