well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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