so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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