I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
