when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
