I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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